Writing Obituaries

I'm the family writer so when my Dad died, I composed his obituary. This morning, I did the same service for my mother.

Because Mom gave us plenty of warning about her need to depart on her next journey, I've had time to think about this.

Mom was a maker of families. She made a pretty cohesive tribe out of her eight children. When we grew up and got married or partnered, she expanded her notion of family to include the folks we selected.

Of course, when we had kids, those were joyful additions.

But Mom made family members out of our friends, out of her favorites at her nursing home, out of her sisters- and brothers-in law, her nieces, her nephews, everyone. The tribe just got bigger and bigger.

So that's what I tried to get across in our ode to her.

Marcia (Luey) Hakala
October 22, 1927 to September 5, 2010

Marcia Hakala of Mashpee, Massachusetts died Sunday morning, at peace with herself and her family. Born Marcia Luey in Holden, Massachusetts in 1927, she married Augustus (Gus) Hakala of Boylston, Massachusetts in 1949. They moved to Cape Cod, which held a very special place in their hearts, in 1970.

Of all of Marcia's interests—crafts and gardening chief among them—she was a maker of families. Her own family of eight children—Sonja Davis Hakala of West Hartford, Vermont; Donald of Mashpee, Massachusetts; James of Lima, Peru; Peter of Marstons Mills, Massachusetts; Mark of Sandwich, Massachusetts; Heidi Hakala Trottier of Forestdale, Massachusetts; Paul of Edgartown, Massachusetts; and David of Alexandria, Virginia—were the center and pride of her life.

But Marcia's love of family knew no bounds and included everyone she adored—the people her children married, her nieces, her nephews, her brother and sister and their families as well as her two sisters-in-law and their families.

As her children grew up and married, Marcia's family expanded to include eight beloved grandchildren: Jesse Davis and Brian, Christian, Terri Lee, Carter, Kate, Andrew and Natasha Hakala.

Marcia spent the last years of her life at the Mashpee Care and Rehab Center where her family expanded to include many of the nurses and aides who cared for her as well as other people who work at the center whom she grew to know.
She is survived by her sister, Barbara Harvey, and predeceased by her beloved husband and her brother, Robert Luey, of Gloversville, New York.

There are no calling hours. There will be a family ceremony of remembrance at the national cemetery on Otis Air Force Base in Bourne on Thursday afternoon. A memorial celebration of Marcia's life will be hosted by her children and their families at the Quashnet Valley Country Club in Mashpee, Massachusetts on October 17, 2010 from 2 p.m. to 5 p.m. and all are welcome to attend.

In lieu of flowers, the family asks that contributions be made to Hospice and Palliative Care of Cape Cod at 765 Attucks Lane in Hyannis, Massachusetts 02601 or to your local Hospice agency.